5 Sticky Notes On My Computer That I Want To Have Made Into Refrigerator Magnets

1. Life is hard.

2. I am not that important.

3. My life is not about me.

4. I am not in control.

5. You are going to die.

These strike me as true in my heart. They come from a man named Richard Rohr. He didn't invent them. They are timeless truths.

They sound harsh to many people when I tell them they are a code by which I strive to live. I don't know if they're harsh. If anyone would like to know how I understand them, how they apply to my challenges with food, eating, body, and addiction, please comment and ask. I would be glad to offer my 2 cents.

King Harley

Some Friends

Why are women so nasty to each other?

My mother never had girlfriends when I was growing up. When I once asked her why, she said to me, "You can't trust women. They'll stab you in the back the minute you turn around. It's better just to avoid them."

Nice, huh?

I haven't gone my mother's route completely and kept friends out of my life entirely. But I do have a hard time trusting people, and usually I have one or two really good friends at a time. I'm still in contact with a friend who was my "best friend" from middle through high school, although we've grown apart over the years, keeping up with each other in Christmas letters and lately, blogs.

My other "best friend" as an adult died of breast cancer last year (her birthday was just a few days ago actually...) but even with her, we both kept a bit of distance. I'm not sharing type. I don't spill my guts. And I usually find people who like to focus on themselves a lot - mostly so we don't have to focus on me. Nicely avoidant, isn't it?

I discovered an online mommy group back when I had my third baby, and it opened up a new world of friendships. I still wouldn't let people get too close... but for the first time, I had a group of friends. That was very different, and rather scary for me. When Harley nearly died, that mommy group really rallied around me, brought me meals, offered me support. I attended a lot of their home births, did blessingways for many of them, went to potlucks and playdates.

Then we moved, and I couldn't do much of that anymore. We just lived too far away. The group changed venues from an email group to a bulletin board, and I stopped keeping up. So they unsubscribed me for "lurking." Twice. Finally, I gave up. I was too far to do too much in person anymore anyway. I got the feeling it was "personal" but I just let it go. It wasn't worth the hassle. But I did miss the connection...

Someone from the group contacted me recently to tell me that she was kicked off, too. And for her it was definitely personal. They had basically ganged up on her and ripped her reputation to shreds. I couldn't believe the things I was hearing. These were women who had been kind and supportive... and now they were turning into a pack of rabid dogs attacking an innocent victim.

I don't understand women sometimes. It's like there's a nasty switch in there that gets flipped and they just go ballistic. Things snowball out of control, they gossip and pick up on each other's energy like sharks in some feeding frenzy. It makes me sad.

I know my mother always said, "Don't trust women," but I hoped it wasn't really true. Things like this... make me wonder.

Oh, and I found and ate real chocolate today. Welcome to the world of stress-eating.