Wednesday, September 3, 2008
But the junk she sent home is another thing altogether. She sent chips (my weakness) along with all the carbie stuff like potato salad and beans etc. I did eat some chips, but I'm trying to eat very small portions and balance them with protein.
The good news is the cute doctor called back and said my blood glucose was 98, perfectly normal. (For pregnant women, they say under 95, but hey, that's pretty darned close!) The problem with that is, I have a tendency to start getting lax, once I hear numbers.
I need Harley to get new test strips, so I can keep testing. I'm out, and when I'm not testing, I'm nowhere near as diligent as I should be.
Next week is the baby-doctor appt. If things go as well as they have been, I'll start interviewing home birth midwives soon. Hard to believe it's only three more weeks to the end of the first trimester!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Now I just have to wait for my OB appt a week from Tuesday.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Well, hello, blog!
I got mad at Harley for not writing here, and in my usual way, just gave up on the whole thing. If he wasn't going to do it, why should I? Can you say codependent, boys and girls? I knew you could!
So what am I doing back there again after 6 months? Well, I got back up to 285... go figure. And we kept trying to get pregnant. And finally, it stuck. I found out about a month ago. I'm due April 8, 2009.
And of course I was thrilled. And renewed my vow to get healthier while I was pregnant. But that's hard to do when you're packing up an entire house for a second move in a year's time. Yeah, we needed a bigger house and a room for the baby, but did I need more stress? That would be a big fat NO, thankyouverymuch...
So about 2 weeks ago, just for chucks and giggles, I checked my blood sugar. Harley's diabetic and has all the testing equipment (not that he ever, ever tests... he doesn't... it just sits there... so I thought, well, someone should use it!) Poked my finger, checked out the results...
183. After eating Taco
EEK! So the next day, I vowed to be "good."
1 hour after breakfast (oatmeal made with milk): 130
1 hour after lunch (tuna fish sandwich and a glass of milk): 132
2 hours after dinner (tuna on toast, glass of milk): 114
Hmm. 103 is a high fasting. It should be under 95 (especially for pregnant women.) The other numbers weren't tooooo bad - should be under 140 one hour after you eat and under 120 two hours after you eat.
The next day's numbers were interesting, too:
Fasting: 120 (ouch!)
1 hour after breakfast (oatmeal made with water - we were out of milk): 150 !!!
But look at this:
1 hour after lunch (4 oz. steak): 94
Well then... looks like it's the carbs. Even "good" ones like oatmeal, that aren't tempered with protein. It's official - I'm pre-diabetic.
The question now is... is it enough? Is it enough to get me to stop slowly killing myself with food? Is the thought of a child with congenital anomalies enough to make me stop? Is
heroin food more important to me than that... than anything?
Because after I discovered my sugars were elevated, I started doing the research, and it's not good. Women with pre-diabetes and undiagnosed diabetes have a risk of having babies with birth defects - specifically heart and neural tube abnormalities.
So now I'm opting for all the genetic testing - the neural translucency scan, the quad screen, the whole she-bang. Because I didn't catch this, really, until I was about 6 weeks along - and by that time, the heart was already formed and beating. And I know if my sugar was 183 after Taco
In the past two weeks, I've gone from 285 to 272. But that's rather irrelevant, considering. I've been checking my sugars, and for the most part, they've been fine, except for my fasting number, which is always borderline-highish. But I've cut out sugar entirely. No more junk food, no more fast food, no more regular soda. No more carbs in the form of white bread, rice, pasta, potatoes.
Two weeks. Only ... 223 days to go. :x
I honestly don't know if I can make it...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
1. The significance of a man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to attain. - Kahil Gibran
2. If you don't know where you are going,you'll end up someplace else. - Yogi Berra
3. We can always redeem the man who aspires and strives. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
4. In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia. - Author Unknown
5. There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second. - Logan Pearsall Smith
6. Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives. - Viktor Frankl
7. The only journey is the journey within. - Rainer Maria Rilke
8. Insist on yourself. Never imitate. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
9. Everybody wants to be somebody;nobody wants to grow. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
10. If we all did the things we are capable of,we would astound ourselves. - Thomas Edison
11. Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake. - Henry David Thoreau
12. The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. - Paul Valery
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
She's already cooked enough and packaged it up in Ziploc and Glad containers to feed an army for a week and put it into the fridge. That's for us to take home. That doesn't include the food she sets out on the table. It's always some sort of meat, usually red - prime rib, steak, ribs - plus at least one meat side dish, usually sausage. And there's always shrimp as an appetizer. Harley's a big meat eater, and it's clear she's cooking for him.
But there's plenty of carbs, too, don't get me wrong. Baked beans, cheesy potatoes, macaroni and cheese. Occasionally there's a vegetable - green bean casserole (the kind with fried onions on the top) or buttered carrots. Once in a while, a salad.
We went to my in-laws for my birthday yesterday. My mother-in-law likes to find reasons for us to come over at least once a month. My birthday is a good reason in January. We came home loaded down with food. Going there, for a food addict, is like asking an alcoholic to go to a New Year's Eve party at Cheers.
Of course, if you're going to meetings and doing what you need to do, it wouldn't matter if someone set a drink in front of you, right? You'd say no.
Me, I'm not so good at the "saying no" part. I clearly haven't gotten there yet. So my lunch today consisted of cheesy potatoes and baked beans. No protein in sight. And then there was leftover birthday cake. And she sent home two boxes of cookies. And a bag full of candy. And a gallon of ice cream, packed in ice. Of course she did.
Harley often likens her to the witch in the candy house in Hansel and Gretel. Sometimes I think he's right. And sometimes, when I'm lying in a stupid migraine-inducing sugar/carb coma after a trip to the in-laws, I wish we wouldn't keep leaving a trail of breadcrumbs that lead right back there again.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
She is, after all, my namesake :)
I can't think of a more beautiful, stunning, strong, confident woman - of both color and size. She's always been someone I greatly admired, and I think she's an underrated actress, an amazing singer, and just an amazing human being.
Today, I saw her on television - a commercial.
For Jenny Craig.
So Queen Latifah is going to join the ranks of Sarah Ferguson
and Valerie Bertinelli...
Once again making the implied if not direct statement: "I can't be beautiful or happy until I'm thin."
I'm just so sad. :(
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
"No, it's got fake sugar in it. It's candy that won't make mommy fat." -er... fatter... I'm thinking...
Thursday, January 24, 2008
1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.
3. Foods use for medicinal purposes NEVER count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee Cheesecake
4. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.
5. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
6. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
7. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.
8. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
9. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other color.
10. 100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!
11. Go to the paint store. You can get thinner there.
12. Relish today. Catchup tomorrow.
13. Carrot cake counts as a serving of vegetables.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
This day always meant a good excuse to eat cake. I miss cake. And frosting. God, I love frosting. Why would something exist in the world that's so incredibly bad for you?
I saw an Intervention the other night - the first one I'd seen with a food addict. A young man, over 500 lbs. The therapist said, "Being addicted to food is like being addicted to heroin. You take it to numb out. That's the goal."
Yep. That's about right. Food is my heroin.
Whenever I complain about having another birthday, Harley says, "Well, it's better than the alternative." Ha. But some days I wonder.
Monday, January 21, 2008
2. I am not that important.
3. My life is not about me.
4. I am not in control.
5. You are going to die.
These strike me as true in my heart. They come from a man named Richard Rohr. He didn't invent them. They are timeless truths.
They sound harsh to many people when I tell them they are a code by which I strive to live. I don't know if they're harsh. If anyone would like to know how I understand them, how they apply to my challenges with food, eating, body, and addiction, please comment and ask. I would be glad to offer my 2 cents.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Not that I wasn't grateful to have them when the power went out at 2 am a few weeks ago. But, of course, by the time he got them all powered up and ready and we listened to the weather, the power was back on again... and I could have been sleeping from two until four, instead of cranking the radio.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I was amazed at how many of the "diets" listed that I've tried over the years. I've highlighted in red the ones that the program mentioned that I've given the old college try:
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
13 Refrigerator Magnets About Fat
1. If we really are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
2. I'm out of chocolate and I have a gun.
3. Eat, drink and be merry - for tomorrow they may cancel your Visa.
4. Everyone who diets gains in the end.
5. I am not fat, I am calorically gifted.
6. Life is unsure, so always eat your dessert first.
7. You are overweight if you are living beyond your seams.
8. Diet and exercise to fight hazardous waists.
9. The Joy of Not Cooking.
10. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
11. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
12. I'm not overweight, I'm just undertall.
13. On a scale of 1 to 10......We'd weigh a lot less!
Check out Thursday Thirteen!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
This is just a follow-up, his third cosmetic procedure to fix his neck (as much as they can, anyway.) But I'm not looking forward to being in the hospital with him. All sorts of memories flood back every time I go to that particular hospital. Waiting for Harley to be brought over from one hospital to the other, wondering if he would be alive still... a friend sitting with me and holding my hand. He was the only one who came, that first day, and I don't know what I would have done without him. It was a pleasant surprise, and a relief, to have that human contact.
Today it's just routine surgery. They don't even put him under! Just a local and they'll do what they have to do in terms of revising the scar.
His scar is looking lots better. Especially much better than the hole in his neck originally looked. There was once an 8"x4" hole in it, while he was in Intensive Care for 8 days and the hospital for 2 weeks. Who knew an abscessed tooth could turn into flesh-eating bacteria and bankrupt us three days before our insurance kicked in?!
He easily could have died from it, and I'm so grateful he didn't. It could have been an upper tooth instead of a lower one (which, as one of the nurses told us, would have eaten into his brain...) So much could have happened that didn't... I keep having images/visions of him talking about it in front of groups, showing people the scar... I don't know in what context, but I just have a feeling...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
I mean, if they want to avoid getting nailed by someone in oncoming traffic they're going to have to learn how to lean into those turns a lot harder so they don't slide into the oncoming lane. That's the problem with kids today, no respect for oncoming traffic when doing life-threatening, yet meaningless, stunts with motor vehicles!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
13 Annoying Euphemisms for Fat
3. "Such a pretty face!"
5. Well Rounded
8. Large and In Charge
10. More to Love
See More Thursday Thirteen Lists HERE.