Monday, January 21, 2008

Some Friends

Why are women so nasty to each other?

My mother never had girlfriends when I was growing up. When I once asked her why, she said to me, "You can't trust women. They'll stab you in the back the minute you turn around. It's better just to avoid them."

Nice, huh?

I haven't gone my mother's route completely and kept friends out of my life entirely. But I do have a hard time trusting people, and usually I have one or two really good friends at a time. I'm still in contact with a friend who was my "best friend" from middle through high school, although we've grown apart over the years, keeping up with each other in Christmas letters and lately, blogs.

My other "best friend" as an adult died of breast cancer last year (her birthday was just a few days ago actually...) but even with her, we both kept a bit of distance. I'm not sharing type. I don't spill my guts. And I usually find people who like to focus on themselves a lot - mostly so we don't have to focus on me. Nicely avoidant, isn't it?

I discovered an online mommy group back when I had my third baby, and it opened up a new world of friendships. I still wouldn't let people get too close... but for the first time, I had a group of friends. That was very different, and rather scary for me. When Harley nearly died, that mommy group really rallied around me, brought me meals, offered me support. I attended a lot of their home births, did blessingways for many of them, went to potlucks and playdates.

Then we moved, and I couldn't do much of that anymore. We just lived too far away. The group changed venues from an email group to a bulletin board, and I stopped keeping up. So they unsubscribed me for "lurking." Twice. Finally, I gave up. I was too far to do too much in person anymore anyway. I got the feeling it was "personal" but I just let it go. It wasn't worth the hassle. But I did miss the connection...

Someone from the group contacted me recently to tell me that she was kicked off, too. And for her it was definitely personal. They had basically ganged up on her and ripped her reputation to shreds. I couldn't believe the things I was hearing. These were women who had been kind and supportive... and now they were turning into a pack of rabid dogs attacking an innocent victim.

I don't understand women sometimes. It's like there's a nasty switch in there that gets flipped and they just go ballistic. Things snowball out of control, they gossip and pick up on each other's energy like sharks in some feeding frenzy. It makes me sad.

I know my mother always said, "Don't trust women," but I hoped it wasn't really true. Things like this... make me wonder.

Oh, and I found and ate real chocolate today. Welcome to the world of stress-eating.

1 comment:

Lori said...

Wow...for a second I thought I was reading about myself...well, not quite really. But I definately know what you are talking about. I have no friends. I moved to Michigan 7 years ago. I don't go to church and I don't work. I am having major dental work done so my contact with the 'outside world' is VERY limited. Roughly 5 1/2 years ago I teamed up with a woman I met in one of those sites and started a 'group' of my own. It was very popular and such. We didn't keep people around the boards who didn't post either because of all the personal info that was shared. We just didn't figure that inactive people needed to stay listed as members.
ANYWHO! I quit my own group for the very reasons that you are talking about. Everytime there was some drama everyone seemed to think I was behind it all...
Oh god what am I doing?!!!! I'm so sorry.
I just wanted you to know that I know what you mean...women can be like sheep...I just wish they would follow eachother right off the cliff sometimes.
hehe HUGS

Queen Bee's Buzzin' on Down

King Harley's Revvin' on Down