Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #3: 13 Funny Diet Tips



13 Funny Diet Tips


1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.



2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.



3. Foods use for medicinal purposes NEVER count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee Cheesecake



4. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.



5. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.



6. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.



7. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.



8. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.



9. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other color.



10. 100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!



11. Go to the paint store. You can get thinner there.



12. Relish today. Catchup tomorrow.



13. Carrot cake counts as a serving of vegetables.





16 comments:

moondancerdrake said...

There's my kind of diet. That list was hysterical. Thanks!

Happy TT

http://moondancerdrake.livejournal.com

MondaythroughSunday said...

LOL..that was so much fun! Thanks!

ellen b. said...

Now that's a list I can live by...
I only wish...

Sandy Carlson said...

I knew that about the carrot cake, but the other stuff was new to me. I am happy to learn these things!

Nicholas said...

You offer #2 as a joke but I know someone who acted as though she believed it. She would have two burgers and fries, plus onion rings, for lunch, followed by ice cream or pie, which she would wash down with diet Pepsi, to kill off all the calories. It didn't work!

SJ Reidhead said...

If you pick while cooking there are no calories!

SJR
The Pink Flamingo
http://thepinkflamingo.blogharbor.com/blog

Adelle said...

Hilarious. Good luck on your journey, a sense of humor will help. Happy T13!

Lori said...

Hey, I like that diet...sign me up!! Happy TT and thanks for stopping by:)

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I'm going to use everyone of these when appropriate. Bwahahah, I wonder how much weight I'll gain? Have a great TT. :)

Eve said...

Love it! Love it! Love it! I've subscribed to many of these diet principles for years. And I have the figure to prove their efficacy.

Joyful Days said...

This needs to be on my refrigerator!! Love it.

Tasina said...

Well I've been dieting for YEARS then!! Thanks for the validation!

mom huebert said...

I've also heard that chocolate is a vegetable, because it's made from beans. Cocoa beans. So there you go. Another healthy alternative.

Natalie said...

Oh how I wish those were true!

Rebecca said...

Love the one about 100 laughs. :) Nice TT.

Ecky said...

Oh my God this is hilarious! I love the tips! LOL

Queen Bee's Buzzin' on Down

King Harley's Revvin' on Down